08 June 2015

Coincidences and signs

Two weeks or so ago, I was called into a bank I don't really deal with much. The representative told me because of my "loyal" custom, they decided to offer me a line of credit. I was hesitant at first... but after being told I don't lose anything, and have only to gain (and seeing pictures of two young boys who belong to this bank employee), I gave in. I was given the line of credit, to use (or not) as I wish, against a very low interest rate.

I never thought of ever using this. Ever.

Fast forward two weeks or so, and tomorrow, the deposit for the house I made an offer on (one that was accepted) is due by close of business day. How much? Exactly the same amount as the line of credit I was offered.

Coincidence, or just random facts? I will not really know... maybe I will look back and reflect how foolish I am to be looking for signs and connecting dots where there are none. Maybe, just maybe, my Piscean/Rat senses are just intuitively strong and see the signs that others do not see.

This week, end of the week, it is make or break on whether I get the financing sorted for the house I would like to have. I can afford it, comfortably with a mortgage, and I can make payments for the mortgage for at the very least a year and a half. But I just hesitate to part with a great deal of all that my parents have left me. Am I being too rash? Being too careless? I am afraid, particularly of making a wrong move, of diving head in only to find myself stuck and feeling oppressed with mortgage payments and debts I cannot pay.

In times of uncertainty when you are seeking guidance and signs, the foolish (or perhaps the very wise) seek the counsel of tradition and the unseen. So I called up my mum's spiritual adviser, and asked his opinion. I had not spoken to him for some time, and when he answered the phone, he asked about my work and immediately about whether I had bought a place.

"Your mum wants to know if you bought a place! How you done it?
 It was as if I heard her voice, through the voice of another, and I was moved immediately to tearing.
Mum's care and concerns still linger three years since she left this world, left me.

I remember her telling me days before her departure, I should buy something quick, I should settle down. "Money melts", as she and dad used to say so often. It goes away and loses value, and the surest way to keep value is to "invest" in property. Nothing is more certain and valuable, they told me. It is a time-tested wisedom.

And yet, I am so afraid. I wish I could again seek the counsel of my parents, hear from their voices the voice of approval and advice on what to look out for and what to look for. But I cannot.

And so I told the spiritual guide and sought his advice. "What do you feel? What is your first intuition?" Follow that, he said. Just go with what you feel, especially after weighing the options, weighing your finances and the location. "You know your mum would want you to settle down."
Again, I was so moved. My intuition seems right, but I am still anxious, still unsure and wondering...

Am I foolish to look for signs where there are none?

Just as I left the apartment building Of the condo I really liked, at the door was a stack of CDs to take (freebies). The first one was Alegria, one of my all time favourite pieces of music (and performances).



"Alegria
As the light of life
Algeria
As a clown who cries
Algeria
The great cry
Of crazy sorrow
Serena
As the rage of love
Alegria
As an assault of happiness"


It was the same show I watched with mum days before she left this world. 





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