IST-SIN

On board SQ 381, IST-SIN.

 The long and often socially awkward and stressful week is finally over and I'm on my way home. 

There were so many moments I felt like I was a fraud, and wondered why I was even invited to join my boss and two other very capable people (one who has over thirty years of experience working at two organisations specialised in aviation....) I just felt at times they were probably judging me and regretting asking me to join them... I did what I could but felt so inadequate and like I was not performing as much as they expected me to. At one point, my boss said they had faith in my abilities. I responded, jokingly, but also partly true "perhaps too much".

The week in Turkey has been somewhat uneventful. Most of the time was spent at the hotel or at the university teaching or standing by to help students. There were only two days I had time to go out and explore, and even then the weather was pretty horrendous. I did get to take a long (too long...) Ferry ride to the Princess Islands, and visit the Aya Sofia, which ich was very impressive and temporarily got me lost in time and allowed me to be absorbed in the piety and grandeur of past religious glory. 

Heading home... To be honest, I'm not looking forward to it, even though it's only going to be 12 days tops. Just thinking of the emptiness I'll go back to, that home I cannot even return to, saddens me greatly.

 Of course, who knows that? Who has actually asked me how I feel about this entire trip? I tried to tell someone about how I feel, but again I get that sour dismissal which makes me feel like a complete fool for feeling how I feel. 

As soon as I head back, the very next morning brother and I agreed to go see our parents. I'm not even prepared for such a trip, and I'll probably be very emotional and breakdown...

I've not even begun to write my annual letter yet...