Anniversary eve

The teddy bear mum gave me and said  I should keep forever, for he would protect me after she is gone, is lost... I thought of him tod thesy because I was planning to organise a ceremony to honour my mum. This will be the first time that bear will not be attending the ceremony.

But what matters is that I attend, that I still remember, that I still cherish the moments mum and I had together, however difficult the remembering may be sometimes. 

I've been emotional for the past week or so, partly due to this, partly due to some upheavals in relationships with friends. At the end of the day,  what is more important? I choose to focus my energies on commemorating mum, and it is energy and time much better spent.

With the help of a friend, I managed to get a hold of a whole chicken, cut up and nicely presented. It is perhaps the most important dish, the most symbolic dish. Chicken is homynous with "family" in the native language I used to speak to mum in, a language I have not used much since she left. Chicken symbolises continuity of family, of family relationships even after the departure of a loved one. I will offer this chicken to mum, and remember when I take bites into it.

Two years now, according to the lunar calendar, since mum left this world. I remember all that , events of that very day so vidivdly .... How I wrote a note and left it in her pocket, my final note to mum, my final farewell note.... How I held her hand till the very last moment, till the very last breath...

Two years... Two years...

I hope mum is doing well. I miss her terribly, more on days, painfully on other days. I think of her fondly. She was my mother, the one who have me love and affection and taught me all about honesty, giving, kindness and compassion... The one who showed me kindness, love, warmth and affection I have never experienced in my life, and I doubt willl ever experience again in the same way.

This night I remember the moments, the final houes  I spent next to mum's bedside.

Tomorrow I will honour her presence, her love, and her life.

Mum, I miss you...