She would have been 62 today.
As I struggled on to finish studying, my mind drifted to events two years ago...
How I rushed to go see (worship) dad on a rainy day and rushed back to the hospital to bring mum (longevity) noodles... How days later, she was discharged from the hospital and my nephew (through my sistter in law) bought beautiful flowers and they stood there on the dining room table as she walked slowly and sat down on the chair...
I remember so clearly, and my blog entries back then coloured the blanks. What state I was in then...
How agitated, how tired (but strangely I did not need to sleep...I could go on and on without proper sleep, unlike now, as sleep seems to have become my refuge from the world), how pained, how worried I was then. And then, I was on the brink of my return to Canada for an exam. Then, as now, I was studying for an exam, for something that I promised mum I would complete--in a way for her, so that she could go with the knowledge that I would, at least professionally, have a stable career. Two years on, and I struggle still to live to that promise as I struggle to tick off all the exams I need to do to be admitted to the bar.
Throughout the day, as I was reading through painfully dry material on covenants and easements, my mind flashed back to two years ago... My eyes would tear. There is a sense of relief that those days are now far behind me.. but in that relief is also a void as a result of losing no doubt the most important and dearest person in my life. Mum... I had a mum.
I had a mum I could hug. I had a mum whose hands I could hold and who would brush my hair and pat me on the back when I needed comforting. I had a mum who loved and cared for me unconditionally, even though then she was struggling with life and bravely fought cancer...
Two years on, it is all quiet here.
All alone, cooped in my room , head down, studying. The silence is only broken by soft classical music in the background, broken by occasional sobs and sniffs of a son who still longs for the love and touch of his dear, and now dead, mother.
As I struggled on to finish studying, my mind drifted to events two years ago...
How I rushed to go see (worship) dad on a rainy day and rushed back to the hospital to bring mum (longevity) noodles... How days later, she was discharged from the hospital and my nephew (through my sistter in law) bought beautiful flowers and they stood there on the dining room table as she walked slowly and sat down on the chair...
I remember so clearly, and my blog entries back then coloured the blanks. What state I was in then...
How agitated, how tired (but strangely I did not need to sleep...I could go on and on without proper sleep, unlike now, as sleep seems to have become my refuge from the world), how pained, how worried I was then. And then, I was on the brink of my return to Canada for an exam. Then, as now, I was studying for an exam, for something that I promised mum I would complete--in a way for her, so that she could go with the knowledge that I would, at least professionally, have a stable career. Two years on, and I struggle still to live to that promise as I struggle to tick off all the exams I need to do to be admitted to the bar.
Throughout the day, as I was reading through painfully dry material on covenants and easements, my mind flashed back to two years ago... My eyes would tear. There is a sense of relief that those days are now far behind me.. but in that relief is also a void as a result of losing no doubt the most important and dearest person in my life. Mum... I had a mum.
I had a mum I could hug. I had a mum whose hands I could hold and who would brush my hair and pat me on the back when I needed comforting. I had a mum who loved and cared for me unconditionally, even though then she was struggling with life and bravely fought cancer...
Two years on, it is all quiet here.
All alone, cooped in my room , head down, studying. The silence is only broken by soft classical music in the background, broken by occasional sobs and sniffs of a son who still longs for the love and touch of his dear, and now dead, mother.
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