It's that period of time again, when I have to go through that painstaking process of studying for my exams.
I'm not sure why, but every time I cannot disassociate the process from my mother and what she said to me before she passed away. She wants me to succeed, she wants me to pass, she sees me being successful and...
And I end up crying.
Who knows why I end up crying?
I can't describe it, I can't explain it.
I'm not trying to hark back to the past, to the days when mum spoke softly and encouraged me over the phone.
But it would be so comforting, so warming to hear her speak and listen to her soft motherly words again.
It would do wonders for my morale. It would boost my confidence and stop me going crazy and crying...
In the end, I just bite the inside of my cheeks hard, taste my own blood. It's the only way I know I can feel. It's the only way I can remind myself I am hurting. It's the way I can think of to stop myself from crying and kick myself back to what I am doing.
I'm not sure why, but every time I cannot disassociate the process from my mother and what she said to me before she passed away. She wants me to succeed, she wants me to pass, she sees me being successful and...
And I end up crying.
Who knows why I end up crying?
I can't describe it, I can't explain it.
I'm not trying to hark back to the past, to the days when mum spoke softly and encouraged me over the phone.
But it would be so comforting, so warming to hear her speak and listen to her soft motherly words again.
It would do wonders for my morale. It would boost my confidence and stop me going crazy and crying...
In the end, I just bite the inside of my cheeks hard, taste my own blood. It's the only way I know I can feel. It's the only way I can remind myself I am hurting. It's the way I can think of to stop myself from crying and kick myself back to what I am doing.
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