"They're no longer around..."
"I'm so sorry... You're so young." Then the award silence. One that leaves me wondering whether I should reveal that they died of illness, died of cancer of all the things that can kill you. I'm sure people are curious to know how and when and why.
I understand why people ask this question. It's a normal thing to ask someone who still looks like a youngster, even though I'm close to thirty now. In fact, the middle aged lady with her husband and daughter said I could be her son's age. I could be indeed.
It's normal to say "you're so young", and I've heard it so many times since mum died last year. I can understand why people say that. Parents are supposed to live till they're seventy, eighty or even ninety these days. Parents are still supposed to be around when you have a family, when you get married or when you have children. But mine are not, mine are never going to be. And I must life with that. As much as it pains me to be reminded of their absence, I must live with the fact that I am parentless. And it kills me still, even more when inan reminded of it. That absence, that hollow void in my life, the fact that I cannot just pick up the phone and call someone I care and love so much and who loves and cares about me in return..., the fact that I do no have a home, a family, I can go back to, kills, and is eating me up still.
Most difficult is when I see children holding their mum or dad's hand... Or when I see people laugh and sit around a table with their parents. You know how beautiful that sight is? You know how beautiful that experience is to be surrounded by family? You only will realise it when it is gone. You only fully appreciate it when all you can do is look back and reminisce and dream, dream, day dream of one day building your own family with someone you care and love and who cares and loves you back. Oh, that day, that day...
"You're so young..." I know it comes from sympathy, compassion, pity perhaps. But how old are you supposed to be when you should lose your parent? Is there an optimum age or time to lose your parent? I wonder when people will stop saying that... I do wonder when it is when people will no longer ask where my parents are, because it is assumed that they are no longer around.
Will I even live that long?
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