Planespotting

OI woke up close to noon, exhausted for some reason, and felt too heavy to drag myself to work. I called in "sick".

My head was spinning and my mind racing around in misery and pain. Where did it all come from? How I wish I could empty it all...! How I long for someone who can be with me to hear me vent and hold me as u do so...

I grabbed my bike and biked westward, toward the airport. I had an urge to watch planes take off. 

I passed by an ice cream parlour where the ex and I loved to stop at on a hot summer's day for a chill soft drink and cold gelato or chocolate ice cream (or both!) It was a fun place, full of memories. "Wild  Willy" was all we had to say to conjure the idea of a long day of biking and laughing in the sun and ice cream as a reward. "Wild Willy" was also a long running inside gag he and I shared. 

 I was looking forward to reliving old memories, but to my great disappointment, the place closed down. The shop sign changed. "Wild Willy" no more... I realised again: dreams and hopes and expectations are never reliable. Nothing ever stays te same. And how poignant that the place where my ex and I shared so many fond memories of is now gone, gone forever..

I biked further, to the lake side and sat on a bench. For a long time, as the same set I watched planes fly by. It was close to eight, the time for Europe-bound flights. 

One by one I bid them farewell and wished them a smooth and pleasant flight...

And then I remembered... It was almost two years ago that I came here and cried as I watched mum's plane take off overheard. I saw it leave, inch further and further away from me, and what void I felt at the sight. I imagined her siting in the front of the plane (I upgraded her to business class...) and I cried and cried uncontrollably. I somehow knew that would be the last time she would set foot in Canada. And it really was... After seeing her then and bidding her farewell at the airport, it was all downhill. The next time I saw her was four months later, at the hospital, a few hours after they wheeled her out of the surgery room. 

I sit here now and watch the planes fly off Into the distance. The void has grown so much, the tears keep on falling.

I miss the past, the ice creams, the running gags, the hugs... I miss mym's voice, seeing mum smile and hearing her laugh...

The void is truly deep now.