Rush

"What's the rush...?" I asked him, "Why do you want to clear out everything already?" Brother has been telling us to get packing and clear out the drawers and cupboards. He says there's little time left, and that he doesn't want to leave everything till the last minute. But we have around a month a ten days left till either of us are supposed to leave the country. Sure, for about two weeks or so, I plan to take a break and do some traveling (hopefully, make it around the island by bike...).  That still leaves many days for us to stay home and clear out mum's belongings.

It was already difficult to start doing so when I began to empty some drawers this afternoon. And it is part of the reason why I am so resistant, which gets on my brother's nerves, because he's very eager to see everything out of the shelves and packed into boxes ready to be shipped away. All those cups, all of mum's bone china collection and memorabilia from her travels. Brother wants them all divided and wrapped and in boxes.

I tell him not to  rush so much, because frankly, it'll be depressing to look at empty shelves and to live in an empty home. Mum has already left, dad already left... if everything on the shelves are to be cleared away, then what is the point of living at home? Why even stick around here?

I need time to process things. It's just me. I need time to allow the reality of mum's absence to sink in before I can start clearing away her belongings. Besides, local tradition suggests that the deceased will often 'return' to the old residence to take another look or to stay around for a while before really moving onto the world hereafter. "How would mum feel if she were to come back to an empty house?" I asked my brother.

That would look so sad, so depressing... And it is already sad and depressing enough that we are in mourning...