Talk

Lying in bed last night, we discussed about travel plans, namely the possibility to go see my boyfriend's family when he visits them in a couple of weeks time. As much as I really would like to visit him in the surroundings of his upbringing, and to get to know his parents better, I am somehow so weary of travelling. Just thinking of booking tickets, of packing my bags and being away from home for even just a few days or so makes me feel tired... I was even thinking of planning surprise visit and just show up at his doorstep one day. But that seems like an improbably fantasy...



There was a time when I could just pack my bags and be on my way to the next adventure the next morning. There was a time when travelling, flying, exploring the world filled with such enthusiasm and joy. But the back and forth between here and home (in Taiwan), and the ever-constant worry about mum's wellbeing, has really sapped the enthusiasm and joy of travelling from me. And whenever I hear my boyfriend speak of how he would like to go here or there, and do this or that with me, I find it hard to share in the enthusiasm and excitement, which makes me feel bad towards him.



I think part of the reason is because I really am not sure how long I have till the next time I pack my bags to go home and be with mum. With her unstable health condition, and the possibility of a major surgery looming, I could only just have weeks, or at most a month or two before I am on my way again, before I am separated from the comforts and familiarities of my own home indefinitely. That prospect scares me, disturbs my subconsciousness at night when I sleep, however much I try to tell myself not to think or worry too much about the future.