It's been a long time since I last went away and retreated from the world... from all its troubles, all its peoples, from all its noises, from all its seductions. Finally, after a long wait and renewed hope, I was informed three weeks ago that I could attend a 10 day meditation retreat at Birken Forest Monastery.
It's about time, as I feel myself becoming more and more agitated and confused as the days wear on. Some days, I feel the motivation and drive that was within me has slowly been sapped away, leaving me drained and lethargic... Some days, I feel such sadness and loss as memories of those who have departed come back to greet me... Some days, I wish I could find shelter and comfort in being alone, even though deep down inside I long for belonging and company.
People react with shock when I say I'm going away for 10 days, and that silence and abstinence will be maintained throughout that time. No talking, no (solid) food after noon, no sexual activity... pure concentration on the mind and body, pure meditation on the here and now. What kind of life is that? A reflective life, a life that brings you back to the very essence of being, the very core of living, and the very fundamental of life.
Meditating for 10 days and slowly down may or may not drastically change the way I live or think... but it will rejuvenate me, I hope, and help me find my way on the path of Dharma. Perhaps I can meet and connect with people who share this bond of Dharma, and they will inspire me to distance myself from all some of tensions and conflicts with regular friends in every day life.
What is so important in the world that we trouble our lives with? What web of entanglements and attachments do we trap ourselves in daily and moment after moment? When you calm down, when you come to the root of it all, life is only so much. There is action, there is reaction, and there is suffering. And it is in suffering that we (and I) live and dwell. How to break through that suffering, how to transcend the worldly affairs and attachments... that is an art. An art of living that only the highest meditators can aspire to achieve.
By no means am I no where near enlightenment or becoming "the one who knows". But this little retreat is a step in that process. And even if I benefit from one moment of calm and inner peace, that is one moment more in this lifetime.
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