Sleep and dreams

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping recently, and I suspect it's related to a number of emotional downs I've experiencing at the moment. It's been going on for a couple of weeks now, and two nights ago was probably the worst. The typical pattern of sleeplessness is that I'd go to bed around 11pm or so, then suddenly, for no reason, just wake up at around 1 or 2am. I'd close my eyes and will myself to sleep again (this "willing", which as I learned, is not the wisest thing to do...), but then half an hour, an hour, two hours, three hours later, I'd still be in bed, awake... on the verge of sleep, but then unable to fall into it. It doesn't help that my bright digital clock keeps on reminding me of the time, and how late (or actually, early) it was...

The worst is that the next day I feel terrible, and tired, unable to really focus, and really depressed too. So, yesterday I did some online search into insomnia, and got myself some help. I 'raided' the drug store for some natural pills and remedies for sleeplessness, like valerian and St John's wort, and bought myself a bottle of camomile foambath, and relaxing oils. I set the warm water running and filled the bath, lying in it for a good half hour, until I was all wrinkly. Got dressed, and sat on my bed, with eyes closed, meditating a little, before I lay down to sleep....

Fatigue overcame me, and before I knew it I was asleep... not completely uninterrupted, as I had to get up once to go to the bathroom, but even after that I could almost immediately go back to sleep again. So I guess the self-help remedies did help.

And that's when the dreams started.... first was one that made me wake up, smiling and feeling all warm inside. It's been a long time since a dream has been so pleasant, especially one involving my dad. I saw him, and he was very well, looking very healthy and smiling a lot. That in itself made me very happy, very confident and assured. That in itself made me know that he was doing well, and that there was nothing that bothered him even after he departed. I woke up, clutched my arms around the teddy bear, and I could remember myself uttering "dad, dad..." before I went back to sleep again.

...soon enough, a series of dreams swept over me like the flow of the sea. So many, pleasant or unpleasant, I cannot remember any more. But there was one that I remember vividly, since it was very romantic, and I remember waking up feeling my heart race in arousal. In the dream, I was lying in bed, in a half-awake state. I had a guest who slept over, and he was sleeping at the foot of my bed. He was someone I'd gotten to know recently, but I was never sure whether there were anything between us other than just friends who did things togetehr occassionally.

Back to the dream... I crept slowly toward him, and watched him sleep. He looked so soft, so beautiful, and I was smitten. I kissed him softly on the forehead, and he woke, opening his lazy eyes slowly, then his lips turned up to a sweet smile. A little gesture that said and meant that he wanted more than just a kiss on the forehead. I crept down to the floor, and lay next to him. We cuddled each other in our arms, and kissed. Intense, immense explosion of emotions overcame our bodies...

I woke up, and it was far to late...