home again

Caught in the confusion of time and space, I arrived in the Netherlands at noon. Or was it six in the morning? I felt sleepy, like I could faint any moment. Throughout the 10 hour flight across the Atlantic, I barely had a wink.
The plane descended into the clouds, and into a world of gray and raindrops on my plane window. Vapour splashed on the wings and blew off of the runway as the strong jets of engine exhaust shaved through. Outside, it was gray and raining, and wet and cold. Much colder than in Canada, surprisingly, but the weather was typically Dutch. Home again.
I rode on the train, watching the fields and low-lying landscape go by. A torn newspaper on the floor reported on the latest victim of the global financial crisis, and a graph showed stocks taking record plunges worldwide. Depressing. Raindrops slashed across the window screen as the train sped home. Dense twirling clouds loomed overhead.
I entered my door, slowly, and stepped into the hallway. The same one I had left an early morning a month or so ago. Letters and advertising strewn over the doormat… the patch of cat urine still visible to the eyes and nostrils. And on top of the stairwell, a little bell tinkled. My cat sat there, and miauwed, again and again, and butted her head against the stairs. Was she as happy to see me as I was to see her?
For some reason, it feels so strange to be home again. I feel so foreign being here, as if I had been gone a long time, and am just visiting. Perhaps because a long time ago I had detached myself from this place, but though everything looks and seems so familiar, it is as if I do not really feel any attachment to this place at all. And this is the same house I have lived in for almost over 5 years of my life…which given all the moving and travelling around that marks my life, is quite something.
One day and a half later, barely able to feel homely and settle down, I am off to another city, another country.