"Everything will be alright..."

It continues to rain, while a storm blows across much of northern Europe, and flooding take away a number of lives. In the south, temperatures are reaching the forties, with some dying as a result. Such extremes!

Middle of another week, in a period of time when weeks seem to pass as quickly as days. Still feeling restless, depressed, and unmotivated to work, even though everyday I tell myself it’s a new day, and promise myself I to get some work done. At the same time, I’ve been having more and more bad dreams, mostly about family and my dad, who I haven’t spoken to for more than four months. Mostly the dreams involve a lot of shouting, and unpleasant arguments. I’d wake up miserable and feeling lost, and wanting to sleep some more, even though I had already slept more than my fair share.

I’d go to the beach a lot, alone. Or the forest. And just walk around, as if by walking around I’m not ‘staying still’ and shake all those feelings and thoughts out of me. Even if it’s in the rain I don’t mind at all. The other day I walked around for two hours while it poured and thundered loudly The forest floor was all muddy. I got my clothes completely wet and dirty, but it didn’t seem to matter at all.

Yesterday I had a long talk with mum on the phone. Deep heart to heart talk, about my fears, my anxieties and my mood at the moment. I told her how lost and at the same time how desperate and lacking any sort of enthusiasm I feel, being here at the end of my studies, and so very unsure what I want to do with my life…

She listened and encouraged me not to give up and not to despair, and reminded me that all this depression and being down, like all feeling good or bad, will all go away. She reminded me that I’ve never let her worry, and that I’ve always managed to pull through and excel to the best of my abilities, even though the process is hard and trying… Exactly the words and sentiments I needed. I smiled a bit, and as I hung up the phone, I silently thanked her… for being ‘there’, for being my mum.

If only there was someone close to tell me those words, and to hear my thoughts, and to give me a long hug and look me in the eye and say that “Everything will be alright…everything will be alright… ”