I lie in bed and cannot sleep. Last night, I could hardly sleep from the excitement of preparing for my lecture. I am exhausted, but I just stir as soon as I am about to sleep...
I called "home" and spent some time chatting on the phone with the monk in the mountains I turn to in times of difficulties. I emptied my emotions, described how more or less since visiting Europe and my brother last month, I have been so disturbed and sleep deprived. much to do with work-induced stress, but much also attributed to this renewed sense of nostalgia and missing induced by the holidays (mid Autumn). And then there's been that added element of uncertainty, of the impending big change in my life to come. I have just been agitated, diaturbed...
All these thoughts, all these images, these conversations being replayed in my head. I feel tortured by the lack of sleep, and this will no doubt affect again how I feel and how well/poorly I function in the day.
What's wrong...? How come I cannot sleep? I so want to sleep.... I so want real rest, sweet rest of my body, my mind, my soul without me being disturbed by dreams, images, fears and doubts...
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