"Where do we go from here?
This isn't where we intended to be..."
How it sucks when you develop feelings too quickly and are left wanting and with unfulfilled emotions...
The night before yesterday, I had a long and deep discussion with the nurse , and we kind of came to the conclusion that "whatever will be, will be". I don't know why, I suddenly woke up at 5ish in the morning and couldnt sleep , and at around 7 I got up to write a long and heartfelt email about how I felt. The rest of the day I felt exhausted, and like crap. Perhaps partyl because I did not quite get the response I was expecting... But what was I expecting? It was a polite reply of appreciation and akcknowledgement, nothing more . What else could or did I expect? As we had discussed, it was all too uncertain, and we were just beginning to know one another.
Even so, after our talk, after he described how he met his ex and that powerful magic he felt from the first moment they met, I felt whatever is between us seemed doomed and would not last... How do I compare with that apparent confidence other people seem to have? How do I feel good about myself in a way that others would appreciate me for who I am?
Again, in being with someone, I find myself questioning and doubting if I am good enough... Good enough to receive love, good enough to give love in return... Good enough to be loved, good enough to maintain a relationship and have that sense of stability and familiarity that I so much crave...
But I am not other people, I am my own person, with all my insecurities, warts and beauties... This is not a competition.
What is meant to be is meant to be. What cannot be will not be.
No comments:
Post a Comment