Sick cat

I really feel my heart heavy and like crying. Meanou, the second cat I got, has been lying on the floor for the most part of the past 24hrs. He doesn't move, he just lies there... Not like his normal self, he though lies there because he is a lot bigger (on the obese side...) but who would at least paw around and play with me when I poke him and lean in close. Most of all, he would purr and purr, like a machine. He would purr and purr for that is his iconic symbol.

But now he purrs no more. He just lies there, his eyes glassy and his face tired. When I stroke him, he doesn't respond, whereas before he would stir and start purring like the sweet being he is.

The vet warned me he has a risk of renal/kidney disease, and that this should be followed up when I visited the vet with him back in May. But I just assumed that drinking a lot, and peeing a lot, were signs that he is hot because it is now high summer , and not typical signs of kidney failure / disease.

Poor cat, who just got up and wobbled as he walked into the bath tub to drink, and drink some more. He must be so thirsty! He must be suffering and wondering what is wrong with him...

I feel this mixture of anxiety, worry, fear, much like that mix of feelings I felt when I knew Kittys life was coming to an end. and I feel dread and guilt... Yes, guilt.

He's been under my care for six, seven months, and now? So sick, perhaps even dying...?
I look at him deep in his green eyes, and he looks back. Does he blame me? Does he fault me?
Does he lament me, perhaps even question whether I should have done more and cared about him more...?


The vet told me to pay attention to his drinking and peeing. And I just focused on his weight, afraid because as the vet said, obesity can cause a myriad of conditions that will shorten his life. I managed to get his weight down, but neglected his kidneys, unaware perhaps all that drinking, peeing, and more and more peeing outside the litter box were typical signs of kidney problems developing....

I pray he is not suffering too much... I feel such a heavy burden. A life perhaps disappearing because of me. Could I have done more? Could I have prevented things if I had been more careful, more attentive and looked for the signs?

Meanou... hang on there.

I am sorry you are suffering...