On my way to Toronto again, second time in a week. Only a one day trip, and in a few days I'll be back again. Today is just to meet to lawyer (well, just... It's very important!) and sign the key documents and transfer of title. And more importantly, give the bankers draft containing the down payment to the lawyer for her to hold in trust until next Monday when the deal closes. And the house is mine. Finally mine after almost six weeks since we started this entire process.
As I entered the airport just now, I heard this sound... The sound of an announcement about to be made. It made me think of mum suddenly... Made me think of dad... Made me think of that time when I took mum to Trudeau Airport and sent her on her way to Europe, in style, in business class. I knew, behind my apparent smiles, that it would most likely be the last time ever she would visit me in Canada. But , by the grace of the universe, it was such a beautiful visit filled with adventures, memories and fine experiences... Whaling in the St Laurent, riding the Rockie Mountaineer, lounging in the Fairmont, canoeing on Lake Louise... I raced to the river side park at the end of the run way and I waited for her plane to take off. I cried, partly from joy, partly from that sense of loss and longing, for I knew somehow that would be the last time I would ever see mum in Canada...
How fortunate I am to be able to shuttle between cities, board a flight whenever I wish and to pop in and out and do what I need to do and finalise my first home. Everything seems to be going so smoothly, so as I wished (...I just hope that bankers draft is lying there in the bank branch as I hope it would!!) How fortunate I am to be here, to be able to do what I wish without worry, without too much concern...
My colleague and I were speaking yesterday about how we first met as classmates back in 2008. He said I hardly smiled, he said he thought I was an angry and unapproachable person. And he saw he saw the pictures of my graduation were so terrible, for I looked so dreadful. Surrounded by people who had come from so far away to celebrate and congratulate me, yet I looked so miserable...
Indeed, how heavy I have felt for so long, how weighed down by life , illness and death for so long, and tried to make the most of things, tried so hard to get by and make sense of the unknown and the constant fear of loss and trying to overcome loss (of dad). My friend now understands why I did not smile, why it is I looked so miserable. Behind every face, behind every person is a story.
And mine is laden with struggles to deal and make sense of illness and death, loss and departures. Now I am standing strong, standing stronger than I have ever been for the past seven years or so (since 2008, the year dad passed and mum started intense treatment).
It looks beautiful out the window, almost completely clear blue sky, pristine lake and waters, beautiful wooded areas and building popping into view.
Toronto awaits.
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