Home bound

On the flight home, it's been a long ten hours or so since I departed Kona, and finally on the final leg of the journey back to Montreal. 

I love the exhilaration of flying, of looking of the window at the airport and seeing all these planes... The calm and quiet of the blueness of the sky an clouds and the world, as much as you can see of it, outside the window. And having taught a course on the airline business , I feel even more enlightened when I see planes, the time board displaying all those connections,  cancellations and delays. And a part of me felt pity for the pilot who sat crammed in the middle seat at the back of the plane and told a fellow passenger that he still has three sectors to fly for the day. 

It's been a relaxing trip, with some biking and exploring place I've wanted to visit for some time, and now I have. I feel like ill be back there soon. There is still so much to see and explore, and the Buddhist monastery I stayed at was simply charming and welcoming. And I made a big decision there too, about my future and life. Who knows what will transpire in half a year from now...? Who knows what I will be doing this time next year?

I began reading that famous book turned into a movie, about young love between two teenage cancer patients. Beautiful an quirky, well written and engaging. The girl describes herself as a grenade waiting to explore, and everyone around her will be wounded by shrapnel the day she does (die). She tries her not to fall in love or let others fall in love with her. But how is that possible? 

Reading this again brings me back to memories of hospitals and treatments and consultations with doctors. I don't think it's unhealthy to read these kind of books, or to have a bunch of DVDs I call the "cancer collection" (though some people may think otherwise...). In being touched and reminded again of what cancer patients go through, and what I went through as part of the side effects of cancer, I feel I can feel again and better heal. It may be hard for people to imagine, deep down I still hurt, deep down I still feel this emptiness I cannot describe. These feelings are made worse by the fact that there is nobody who is willing to listen , nobody I know around me who is prepared to understand. People are just too occupied with trying to say something, even if that something sounds or is received as being so awful and hurtful. At the end of the day, I just stop talking, stop sharing , and have nothing to say anymore. That is when you know that the friendship has really died. 

I look forward to connecting more with this friend who went through extremely similar circumstances and experiences .