Developments

Been very quiet these days here, reflective of how my life had been these days...

Fell very ill two weeks ago from a bad flu. Before getting ill, I was emotionally very down and fragile...
It's the lingering effects of loss and grief. I just cant explain why I miss my parents so much these days.

Sitting alone at a Japanese restaurant I found recently. Next to me a table of middle aged people talking about how kids these days are so distant and don't take care of their parents, how kids visit once or twice a year, even if they llved in the same city... I'm just sitting here and thinking to myself how lovely they have parents to love and treasure and yet they dont... Would they miss their parents As I do so much now after they are gone...?

Other than that, it's been busy at work, and I'm slowly (maybe much too slowly...) Trying  to study for an exam in two weeks. Very quiet at woke nowadays, as nobody is around. A colleague is leaving soon for a new job, so a lot of responsiblities are going to be falling on my shoulders... Another colleague's dsughter has surgery to remove a lump, and her father in law is literally on his death bed... There was an afternoon I sat and listened to her and tries to calm her down, even though I was myself tryingg to hold back tears.

Then two dsys ago my prof wrote to me and asked if I want to lead a course in the coming semester. I was completely taken aback, as I never realised how much they valued me. My first instinct was to think "I can't..." And for the whole of that day I was very tense and nervous just at the thought of teaching and speaking in front of people for three hours.... 

My colleagues have been encouraging and told me to just do it. It is a great opportunity, and a step into teaching, some that could prove useful in the future. Who knows, maybe I'll love it and decided this is what I want to do? 

But just the thought of being a lecture scares me.... Who am I? How much credential do I have to teach ( even though it's a course about airlines business and I do know a fair bit about airlines and airplanes...) ? What if they boo me or despise me and see me as just this young boy making fool of himself? 

I told my boss I'd think about about... Deep down I am very tempted, but am also very nervous too... Deep down, as someone reminded , I know my parents would be so very proud of me (just the thought of that moves me to tears .. )