Recognition

After over two months I heard back from the friend who lost his mum to cancer. He said he's been very affected, but family has been very supportive. He's back at work again, after taking extended leave, and work is distracting him. But still it hurts and is very difficult.

"i dunno how u got thru it alone when it happened to u" he wrote to me.

Those words penetrated my heart, and I almost broke out in tears. 

It was the recognition that really touched me. Recognition that I still hurt, still feel the hurt and recognniton that it's not all over just because it's been almost two years. 

My friends don't ask anymore. 

It's as if just because I'm smiling more, just because I'm laughing more and going out a bit more, I'm over it. 

But can you ever get over death of a loved one? Can you ever get over the death of your mother? As a book about grieving I read put it, you don't move on from death. You move forward with it. It weighs heavy and is with you throughout your life. At times it's lighter, but there are moments, anniversaries, holidays, memorable days, when it's as painful and fresh as the day it happened. 

I'm hurting still, and I've come a long, long way from those nights I cried alone in bed or would wake up from a nightmare and memories of hospital wards and mum plugged to tubes... but I'm sure my friend is hurting even more.