YVR-YYC-YUL

On board the flight, one of two heading back to Montreal. It's been over three weeks away from home, and I'm looking forward to going home. It's been a long month, filled with travels to nostalgic and new places, days on end of cramming for an exam, the topic of which touched many raw nerves, and lots of soul searching...

As I leave Vancouver, I reflect on the first time this city left its charm on me. Almost five years ago, in the middle of winter in 2009. I loved the city at first visit, even though it was merely a three hour (or so) stopover. The city, the mountains, ocean... Later visits (and there have been close to eight...) introduced me to more of the city's charm and friendliness, including some of the locals. 

I cannot describe why I feel this sense of attraction toward this city ( despite the large presence of  Asians in the population which often strikes me as surreal and at times (as strange as it may sound...) annoying). Here, I feel I could begin a life away from the people back east, away from the shadows of a painful (and ever lingering...) break up with an estranged partner and away from ever distant friendships in the very small circle of friends. I cannot describe why I feel so uncomfortable, so fake among the people who for so long I felt were so close and like family to me. I cannot describe why I feel this sense of betrayal knowing that in front of you people seem so nice, but behind it they grovel and criticize you... It's toxic. It makes me feel so unwanted, and Makes me wonder why go through life with people you don't want to pretend to like spending time with. 

In Vancouver, I feel I can get away from the shadows of loss and tears, get away from jealousies and misunderstandings, and begin life anew tabula rasa. I need that, I want that. I need a new beginning, a fresh start after all that I have gone through, even if people may not understand why or how. I need a change, want a change now more am than ever, and how pertinent today is fifth anniversary of my arrival in Canada. 

Is it a case of romance syndrome, whereby you tend to think (or imagine...) everything away from where you normally live  as being better and grander? I don't know, but I would like to think my attraction to Vancouver and BC goes deeper than that... At least I hope so.  I really hope so. Is it me trying to run away, run away from things and people I would rather not face? 

I cannot wait to begin the process of finding my footing and moving and getting away.