Sleeping and dreaming

I dreamed of mum, and the dream filled me with such a profound, profound sense of loneliness. I cried from longing and pain...

It is sickening how lonely I feel, how somehow (strange as it may seem and sound...) I go to the office everyday and go about my daily business as if pretending all is well and dandy...

Sure, there are plenty of lonely people out there. Just go on Craigslist and you'll see all these men (and mostly men...) looking for company or a quick release. As exciting as those ads sound, reading them make me feel even more depressed.

The loneliness is eating me... It is affecting me deeply, preventing me from doing anything, preventing me from achieving anything. I sleep, sleep and sleep to escape. But I must wake up at some point, and these days it's close to noon before I can ply my body out of bed. I just wish there were a reason to wake up, a reason to stand and breathe and work.

Maybe I'm too comfortable. I don't really need to work for the sake of survival, I don't really need to do the exams I'm about to take. Nothing scares me, nothing pressures me, nothing really affects or interests me. Is this what death feels like..?

Another day, another day to face and get by...