Restless mind

Sometimes when you have a thought or an idea ingrained in your mind, it becomes like a stain, an eyesore, an annoying itch that's difficult to get rid of. It boils and proliferates in your mind, stains all your thoughts and colours your vision in ways that are negative and infectious... And I see it happening now!

For a month or so, I opened my house to  a friend who needed a place to stay. She had just graduated, had no job and was (apparently) running short on money, and needed to move out of her old apartment as soon as possible, but had no place to go to. So I offered my spare room, and she took it. A friend in need is a friend indeed.

In the beginning it was fine, and we seemed to get along fine. We chat and hug each other every morning and just before going to bed, and occasionally even share a meal or two. Then the complaints began... first about my cat, how she sheds a lot of hair (it's a cat... cats have a lot of hair!) and makes a lot of noise. It's true that she does shed a lot of hair, but it's never bothered me (and I certainly am not going to shave my cat, as has been suggested). As for the noise... it's really bizarre that before my friend moved in, the cat rarely cried like she does now.

Then began the allegations (still unconfirmed) that my house is infested with bedbugs. Then, behind my back and through veiled references on facebook status updates, are accusations that my cat is depressed and feels abandoned because I am away during the day, or go on trips for a days at a time. I'm getting all this information (except the facebook status updates) all from secondary sources. And until I personally hear complaints and criticisms against my behaviour, my way of every day life and my treatment of my cat, I really shouldn't jump to conclusions... And this friend is known to have a schizophrenic and paranoid personality. Perhaps I should dismiss it all with: "She doesn't know any better..."

But really... you try to help someone with good intentions, and they bite back with complaints and criticisms. I don't ask for anything in return, I don't even charge any rent, but then even the amount of time I spent at home per day or behaviour of my cat is subject of gossip and scrutiny.

I'm not saying I'm all so great and kind. But I could have so easily turned my back when my friend needed help. After all, why does it concern me if she did not have a place to stay? Other people didn't seem to care too much, so why should I?

But extend a hand I did, because it's what I do, and I don't regret doing it if it gives someone the time and space to get on her feet. But instead, in return, I get a load of extra shit burden added to my life, and have to adapt my life because the way I live it is constantly being seen and judged with disapproval. Sometimes I don't even feel like I want to go home anymore... a situation that's remotely reminiscence of living together with my brother. Even the cat (I can only suspect) is more and more unhappy because she has lost the one room where she likes to go into to gaze out the window and sunbathe...

Life was so much simpler living out there in the woods, secluded from all the noise and idle gossip of everyday life and people. But I guess having come back, I should face it all and not allow these frustrations and frictions with people get to me.