You played with my, lips, brows, fingering them ever so softly, exploring each and every surface of my face like it was a new world waiting to be discovered. All the while, your big brown eyes stared into mine, with a look of curiosity, a look of familiarity at the same time. I stroked your soft little arm as your stuffed clown chimed out a lovely lullaby. Sleep, Sunny, sleep…
It’s been quite an evening. Mummy went out to the cinema on her own, so it was just the two of us. At first I doubted I could cope, and I was sure minutes after mummy left out the door you’d burst into tears. But mummy deserved some time alone.
You crept around in the kitchen and let out random shouts and screams. Not ear-piercing or irritating ones, but soft and cute ones that I replied to with calls of my own, as I fixed dinner for the two of us. Each time you called, I called back, only to be answered by an echo of my call, as you tried to imitate me. The kitchen filled with the fragrant smell of sizzling garlic and fish, as the call of a baby and a twenty-something pretending to speak baby.
You’re never choosy when it comes to food, and whenever your little Winnie the Pooh spoon took into the air, laden with fish and vegetables, your little mouth opened automatically, waiting. Dinner was quick, and the setting sun lured us out. Or perhaps just me, because you had no choice but go wherever I went.
We strolled down the riverbank of the Ill, in the shade of trees and occasionally feeling drops of water on our heads that were too heavy for leaves to carry. The ground was damp and puddly from the storm shower before, but the rain had stopped and the sky was beautifully dusk orange. I pushed you along, and sometimes you’d turn your little had to stare at me with those big eyes, perhaps silently asking where we were going. I too had no idea.
Pebbled jumped beneath the wheels, and twigs snaps under my feet. I’d pretend we’re a plane about to take off, and charge for a distance and all of a sudden lift up the front wheel, while at the same time make the sound of a roaring engine. You burst out laughing and giggling and waved your little arms up and down from the excitement. I smiled, and you smiled back.
Towards Petite France we went, down the alleyways and cobble stone road of ancient Strasbourg. Passer-bys would turn and stare, and on their faces you could see the temporary delight that your presence brought to their lives, even if only for a fleeting moment. And I enjoyed that feeling, of being mistaken as the proud dad of such an adorable little baby. It was as if for those moments walking around with you the world was fooled into believing that I am not so alone after all. And that’s a warming feeling.
Coming home, you were already fast asleep. I didn’t want to wake you, but it was time for your bath. You sleepily stirred from your sleep, rubbed your eyes and stood there in the bathroom, yawning, gaping, and drowsily wondering what was happening. But as soon as you saw the bath water running, you immediately lit up and wanted to climb in. you turned to me, with big eyes begging. Once in the tub you splashed around like a duckling exploring. What you liked most was the shower, and that strange feeling as it hit your skin. What joy! What fun you had, as I felt my sleeves and pants get soaked in the waves of water you splashed all over me.
In bed, you jumped around, up and down, wriggling to the rhythm of the children’s music playing in the background. I tried to put you down and to sleep, but you kept on sitting up and wriggling like a restless worm. The colourful musical clown lay at your feet and I pulled on the cord. A soft lullaby echoed in the air. It was as if it captured your heart, and calmed it down. Sleep, Sunny, sleep…
I covered you with the blanket, and lay down next to you. For a minute or two, you fumbled my face and cheeks, at first quickly and excitedly, but as the lullaby played on, your eye lids fell, further and further each time. You rubbed your tired eyes, the same eyes I stared into and saw my own reflection. What did you see in me, what did you feel in me?
Yawn.
Slowly your eyes close, heavier and heavier as the lullaby lingered…
Sleep, Sunny, sleep…
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