Nightmare

Had one of the worst nightmares in a long, long time this morning.

I remember being woken up by the noise they make in the morning, and the next moment I was in the dream. I don't remember much, but I do remember there were arguments
and lots of shouting in the dream. Perhaps not surprising, since that's what happened two days ago. I didn't realise real life had ingrained itself so deeply on my self-conciousness.


And then there was a very unpleasant part of the dream, which was very sexual, and I remember not enjoying any of it, because it was more like abuse and harassment than (consensual) sex. I woke up a number of times, really trembling, frightened and feeling very upset, only to fall into sleep again, and continue dreaming, continue being harassed and abused. I remember vividly curling up into a small ball and holding onto myself in bed, as if to protect myself. And there was this longing, this intense longing for someone to come rescue me from the dream, from the abusers. Horrible...

I woke exhausted. And all too late.