Yet another dream, or perhaps you could call it a nightmare. What is the difference between a dream and nightmare? Yesterday's seems sweet and romantic, but it was haunting too... a deep reflection of my innermost fears and anxieties.
And so was today's. To be honest I can't remember what really happened now, but I do remember waking up from the intensity of the dream in the dark of the night, and being really struck and awed by it all. I remember repeated saying "I miss you, dad. I really miss you..."
Indeed, the dream was about my dad. Ever since the beginning of March, when dad left after a troubled and tense visit here, I haven't heard anything from him. I regylarly think of him, and wonder how and what he is doing. But there is absolutely no communication at all. Before, he would speak to me on the phone from time to time when I call, but for the last nine months, nothing... nothing.
Sometimes I have terrible dreams with him in it... sometimes it's scenes of him suffering unbearable pain, scenes of him dying in front of me, or scenes of him arguing and shouting with my mum... Never positive or sweet things or images, only these terrifying thoughts and pictures.
And so it was the same tonight.
I wake up from bed, after a number of hours already being awake, but feeling unable to face the world, and feeling completely exhausted and drained even though I've slept for much too much.
And it leaves me wondering... how is my dad doing?
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