Storm

I cycled to work, but walked home. Almost as soon as I got to the office, it started to drizzle, then rain, then pour and storm. By the evening, the pavement in front of my office building was a puddle, and I had to jump and hop to avoid being splashed by showers of water coming from rushing cars.

Weekend already. Originally I had wanted to go for my 'Friday Night Swim', but because of the bad weather, I just decided to go into town and grab something to eat. I didn't feel like cooking... in fact, I don't feel like anything, except that I feel myself falling ill with a runny nose. Not good, and certainly not helpful to my already down mood these days.

I actually dreamt of my work yesterday, and sometimes even when I'm not at work, I feel my thoughts wander towards the things that are waiting to be down at work... The organisation is going well and according to plan, but the problem now is the money. So far we've only managed to raise around ten thousand, but need around 5 or 6 times that amount to make sure that it is success, and that we don't go into debt like last year. I feel like since I'm the main person, I'm responsible for the finances, and I really feel the pressure of having to make sure that the budget is sound.

But it's so hard to ask people for money, and even harder to get it! I've already tried mailing a number of law firms, but only three replied, and gave only a couple of hundred. Compared to the thousands of Euros we need, that's nothing. And other organisations that we have approached seem to be not interested, or at least, have not replied. Frustrating.... frustrating that you write to people, but they do not reply. The waiting is the most frustrating of all.

Besides this, or maybe because of this, I feel really disorientated and distracted lately. I feel like I'm losing touch with myself, losing that sense of inquisitiveness and that sense of inspiration that has carried me through all these years. And that too is frustrating, and there is not really anyone I can talk to about it...

The reason perhaps why I don't write as much these days, because my mind is a fuzzy mess, and I'm not sure what to write sometimes.

Except rambles like this one.