Tuesday night out

I’m really not a big fan of loud bars… but I started working part-time at an international tribunal recently, and my friend said it would be a great way to meet new people. She said I’ve not been myself since last week, and that I really need to go out and meet new people instead of going home and being all alone in my room…

So, I sort of reluctantly agreed, and tagged along. Tuesday nights is usually the night when all the interns at this tribunal gather at a bar. And indeed, the place was just filled with all sorts of international people. Besides my friend, I knew nobody, and was really a bit intimidated as I walked through the door.

I got introduced to a number of friends of my friend, and I guess I chatted with them. But you know sometimes you chat with someone at a bar, and you know that you’ll probably never see the person after you walk out the door… that’s what I felt. Downed a glass of red wine, and glanced around looking for people I might know (or might be interested in knowing…), but there was none.

Thank goodness my friend was next to me almost the whole time. But problem is, my friend is really pretty and attractive, and when I stand next to her, and especially because of the way we interact, most people would think we are boy- and girlfriends. But we’re anything but that! We’re basically love without the sex!

A number of guys came up to talk to her, and I felt like there was a sort of tension. I felt like I didn’t belong there, or shouldn’t be there. Of course, the guys introduced themselves to me, but it was more because it was courtesy instead of out of real interest in getting to know me. They were too busy eyeing my friend and trying to ‘pick up’ than be interested in me or what I had to say. So I felt like I was an extra on an already crowded stage of tête-à-tête, and that I didn’t belong.

I don’t know if it’s me and my problem of meeting new people. I’m just too shy and self-conscious to go to someone and strike up a conversation. Funny thing is, once I get to know a person, I can be my ‘normal’ self and be really caring and warm. But it’s that first step, of getting to know me, and getting to know them, that is so hard to break through. And at the tribunal, where everyone is some kind of high-flying and super-intelligent lawyer, who would want to speak to a lowly intern who hasn’t even graduated from his studies? At my other work place in the university, I’m more or less alone too, because my colleagues are ‘mother-types’, and even though they’re all so nice and friendly, it’s not exactly as if I’m going to go have fun with them. Frustrating…