Follow the flow

(Liberty Times)

"Regarding that unsettled matter, that person you have not yet let go of, that uncertain relationship, you continuously experience loss and gain.
But, darling, every kind of analysis, projection, prophesying is but the imagination inside your brain. Except letting your head become dizzy and your brain become bloated, what can you get from it?

What will happen you cannot stop, what will not happen all sort of hoping is of no use, so why should you be filled with anxiety and worry?

Just follow the flow, use a relaxed and dignified posture, an attitude that accepts everything, [and] move forward by following the flow of nature.

Just move forward, follow the flow.

Invitation letter

(Liberty Times, 29 July 2012)

"You are again thinking of that person who made you unhappy, thinking of those words he said that made you hurt, and also thinking of the things ge did that made you upset.

Thinking, thinking, your mood depresses, anger then gradually, gradually rises.

So then an originally good morning or evening is again ruined by this person. No matter where you go, no matte what you do, this person is closely lint to you, following you like a shadow.

Darling, whenever you are thinking of the person who made you unhappy, it is like sending him an invitation letter, silently allowing him to come accompany you, disturb you, destroy you.

So, let him to, let him be, and do not allow the person you despise be your company...."

Having cried is good

(Liberty Times)

"Sometimes, don't know why, you just really want to cry.

Then just have a good cry, let your tears fall then. In your subconscious too much pain and fatigue has accumulated, something you cannot find the reason for. But your soul knows, you need an episode of internal cleaning, and let everything out.

So if you want to cry, just cry. And then tell yourself, there's nothing wrong, haven cried is good.

Really, darling, haven cried, your heart is cleansed, and everything is over..."

What is hospice care?

Though there is a social stigma surrounding death and dying in Taiwan, and people tend to shun talking about it, the relevant law on palliative care has already existed since 2000. Earlier versions of it in the early 1990s were specifically aimed at terminally ill cancer patients, and the law permits patients (and relatives) to choose to stop all attempts to medical treatment and pass away in a way that is comfortable for the patient, and comforting for the relatives.



 
According to a "Quality of Death Index" compiled by The Economist, Taiwan ranks 14th in the world (and 1st in Asia) as the "best" place to die in a dignified and pain-free manner. And the country's National Health Insurance (recently featured as a model for the US' Medicare reform) shoulder's the vast majority of the costs of palliative care.

A series of promotional videos produced by the Hospice Foundation of Taiwan explains to patients the possibility of leaving peacefully and painlessly.

The one above, captioned briefly:

"Terminal cancer in the final stage,
Afraid of pain, not afraid of death.
The feeling of pain is more demanding of your life than being ill.
Hospice/palliative care,
Medical intervention to alleviate symptoms
Professional stopping of pain...

A world of no pain and suffering, of peace and quiet.
To safeguard the dignity of life,
the quality of the end."

Leaving greacefully...

“There is no medicine. All you can give is the love of family, love plus care.”

I bought the movie Leaving Gracefully (帶一片風景走) some weeks back, hoping that we would have the time to sit down and watch it together as a family. I knew the theme would have a lot of meaning for my family, but in the evenings mum has either been too tired or too ill, so we never got around to it.

Only today, on my birthday, or because of my birthday, did mum and I manage to watch it. Half way through, brother called from the other side of the world to say he arrived home safely. Tears I shed were just drying when he called. 

The movie is based on a true story. In 2008, a husband and his wheelchair-bound wife, who is diagnosed with spinocerebellar atrophy, spent 84 days and walked over a million steps to circumnavigate the island of Taiwan (a distance of around 1000km). The working class couple touched many hearts as they walked around the island, and the media dubbed it “Love of a Million Steps”. How far would a husband go to share how much he cares and loves his wife? What would you do with your life when there is limited time and space? As the wife slowly loses her motor skills and ability to speak, the husband decides to fulfil a promise he once made to her. He wants to take her oyster hunting at low tide, he wants to take her on their first honeymoon, for they never had one; he wants to take her on a final journey, and defy what the doctor said about it being impossible. 

And they did manage to do it, in a revamped wheelchair, with a flimsy shopping cart trailing behind, and with the husband pushing all the way. One step at a time, slowly, in sunshine or in rain. Passerbys offered them encouragement and support, some gave them shelter and food, some even offered them rides. But the husband refused, for he said he wanted, needed to walk this final journey with his wife. Just the two of them...

“Even though we cannot walk hand in hand, our shadows on the ground are together…”
 

I shed tears quietly at many moving moments, and quietly wiped away the tears. At one point, the wife insisted to return home after already walking for over a hundred kilometres, in order to sing happy birthday to their daughter. That scene was perhaps even more touching as today was my birthday. The lady, though she has almost lost the ability to speak, tried hard to sing "Happy Birthday" to her daughter. The daughter, obviously moved, ran to hug her mother, and together they cried... Another touching scene was when while going up a steep hill the husband fell, but the first thing he does is ask whether his wife is alright and tends to her needs… Such is their love, the husband's deep commitment to the care and comfort of the wife till the very last moment of her life. How beautiful that is, that love, that affection, which is unconditional and resolute, which transcends the purely physical. "I will grow ugly..." the wife, knowing how the disease will affect her looks and make her  eyes bulge and her arms shrivel, said to the husband at one point, to which he replies "And I will grow old..." He loves her not for how she looks, but for the person whom she is, until the very, very end. Their marriage vows were truly forever. 

The doctor who initially diagnosed the wife became deeply touched and inspired. Though there is no cure, he realises, of all the patients he has seen before, this couple defied his opinion of what a person with a degenerative brain disorder can achieve. Whereas everyone will gradually disintegrate and die in the end, the couple showed their determination to decide life for themselves, and how “Just being happy is good enough…” 

It is not without reason why I wanted to watch this movie, especially watch it with mum. It is my hope the movie will fill mum with hope. Perhaps, seeing that husband and wife, she will be inspired and tell herself: “If they can do it, if a person who is wheelchair-bound and has lost all control over her body can, then I too can live and be happy…”

(translation mine)

Can the soft, soft wind hear? Hear me quietly describe the past?
Don’t let that past vanish. Your little smile was so beautiful.
The waves made up your face, the sky was full of rosy clouds.

The spray of the waves is emotionally attached to the blue, blue sky. The tides never forget the vows of love.
Tightly, tightly [I] hold your little hand, [and] remember to take love away.
Longing is like the tides and is not dispelled, [it] is before one’s eyes.


[I] cannot differentiate whether it is the rain or tears,
Please, moon, [I] hope she can accompany you,
And fly away with a little smile…