Dream: New Zealand

Had such an intense and vivid dream. Was onboard a beautiful aircraft of Air New Zealand (for some reason... I've never been to that country. But now I suddenly have an urge to...) I was flying there, and half way through the flight I spoke to one of the flight attendants to upgrade me to premium economy. They put me in a cabin and the chair was very spacious and I could lie down.

Suddenly the plane banked and stalled. I looked out the window and could see trees and houses. We were landing, an emergency landing. There was no warning at all and we just landed in the middle of a street. The plane remained intact, and nobody died or was injured. Everyone got out unscathed and we wandered around a bit before the captain said it's ok to fly again...

The plane took off, but it suddenly transformed into something else, some kind of spacecraft... Suddenly my ex was next to me, and we were sitting very intimately together. The craft soared into space and just vanished...

I woke up, tried to figure out where I was. And all this time have this longing to go to New Zealand, and to go there with my ex...

To the airport

On the metro. The last few hours have been a rush. I lay down for a rest, needed to calm my mind and upset stomach. I can feel the stress mounting again. And it's physically manifesting in bad cramps, cramps I've not felt for a while.

All these images cross my mind... Mum lying there with an expression of pain and discomfort... Mum breathing laboriously... Images of possible futures and potential events that may take place, and that are taking place in the vivid world of my imagination... Rushing home on the plane... Crying at the hospital... Holding onto mum's limp body... Inconsolable pain, pain, pain that will not go away...

I shudder at these thoughts, I feel deep deep fear as these images tear through my mind...

Heading to the airport. Flight in two hours. Another flight. It seems crazy that I'm heading back to Vancouver, where I just was last week. But I needed the time and place to fully concentrate, to be at home and rest in my own bed, to he surrounded by my own things and to recharge. I needed that little reminder that whatever happens, I have a home, I have these possessions that ground me to my life and tell me who I am (yes, it's very materialistic to be attached to my home and my things...). I need that more than anything at the moment. I need that at a time when who-knows-when need to part with the dearest person in my life...

Was it a waste of money to be flying back and forth across Canada just in order to study? Circumstances compel me to. Or perhaps I'm just too spoiled and cannot concentrate unless I'm in a quiet environment insulated from distractions. But this exam is important. Not just because it cost $400 just to register to take it. But because I have postponed it once before already.

And I know mum would want me to succeed, would want me to sit the exam. For her sake. I can imagine that she's lying there in bed and thinking about me, praying for me and wishing me luck.

Eva Air joins *Alliance!

Mum switched on the news early in the morning. It's good to fill the room with some other voice than just silence, which is often the language between us now.

I first heard talk about Eva Air, perhaps my favourite airline, so I turned to watch the screen. And then there was a shot of a bunch of officials stranding in front of a Star Alliance sign. "Eva accepted as Star Alliance member"!

I was suddenly elated! I've been anticipating this day when about a year ago news of talks between the airline and my alliance were leaked. I fly (almost) exclusively Star if given the choice (I'm loyal and don't like to "cheat"!). I'd even pay a bit extra and transfer two, three times if I have to just to fly a Star Alliance member to collect points. So for three years running I've attained Gold Member status, which gives me upgrades and also extra allowance and priority services. "I've earned it" as the *Alliance ad says!

I sat next to mum and was so excited! I've not been excited about anything much for a long time! "This means I can come back here more often! Direct flights and earn points!"

Mum didn't say anything. She had just vomited. I felt somewhat bad and out of place getting so excited by something as airline miles, when half an hour ago the doctor came in and talked to us about the big decision. And I was getting excited about flying and collecting miles and Gold Status!

I guess you need to distract yourself in the worst of times. You need to find something to make you feel excited, feel passionate and alive again, even if the one next to you looks and feels so tired and lethargic.

Just because we're facing a stark decision, a decision of life and quality of life, I still need to find reasons to smile and feel like an excited child again!

Flying

In my dream I was rushing to the airport... Schiphol it probably was, and there were multiple destinations I was heading to at the same time for some reason... Incheon, Toronto, Taipei and London. So many places to go, and I remember I had to rush between terminal buildings, has go shove around with my luggage. I saw myself run in the corridors of the airport trying to catch my flight(s). There were connections to be made, and I was so stressed because I was short of time.

Everything was such a rush, and I was by myself. But where was I really going to.'? Why was I hurrying to go there?

Woke up so tired, and with a sore back. The rain fell heavily the window, and mum was gagging again...