Dream

I knew the people in front of me were terrorists. I could see it  in their eyes, which burned a fierce suicidal zeal. There were three girls, none older than twenty, in fact perhaps one was even younger than ten.

The roller coaster pulled away from the station, and there was a low gasp of excitement from all the passengers. But I was filled with dread and fear, the kind of fear from knowing that something horrible is about to happen, but you are so utterly powerless and helpless to stop it. You can just sit and let the horrible event take place. I don't know what was worse... the fact that dozens of innocent people will die be horribly maimed , or that you are part of those who are about to die. 

As soon as the roller coaster reached a certain speed, one of the girls looked back at me. She showed me a small round battery, and then threw it out of the train. Another girl turned around and showed me a wrench, and she too threw it out of the train. Both of them smiled this wicked smile. I was strapped in my seat, but I wanted to reach out and get ahold of them. I could not.

My fear turned to this strange calm. I know we were hurtling to our deaths, the ups and downs of the ride is just a part of it all. I know what the outcome will be, just not when it will happen...

I opened my eyes and woke  up before the destruction and carnage took place...

rough night

There were haunting, disturbingly haunting images of mum flashing across my mind behind I sudden awoke... I shuddered.

3am, and I was woken up as much by the images as by mum's coughing.

For a few days in a row, she's been sleeping badly, or barely at all. Her appetite has also declined dramatically. A plate of vegetables, and she would only eat a spoonful or two. And during the day, she sits there in her chair, and just stares out into nothingness...

Depression? Lost the will to fight and continue living, as she told me before? It troubles me deeply, in my waking and sleeping moments, in my thoughts and prayers, in my silent cries for help to anyone, even to "God", even though I have never appealed to him before. So desperate I have become, so desperate I seem willing to cling onto anything, any one, for help...

I have never seen her like this, ever. And there is so little I can do to motivate her, encourage her, or make her feel better, because everything is answered with: "I'm too tired... Too tired"

Me too. I am too tired...