I really had to bite on the inside of my cheeks to avoid the tears escaping my eyes. She turned back and waved goodbye, again and again, which made it even more difficult. And then she was gone.
I wandered around the empty airport building, wondering what to do, where to go. Of course, the terminal was full of people, but it might as well been empty. On the train journey home, I looked out the window, watched the rain fall and drizzle flutter against the dark gray horizon. The rocking motion of the train rocked me into sleep... and away from the moments of sadness before.
My brother had been kind enough to bring my mum to the airport, but throughout the almost one hour of drive, he didn't say a word. Perhaps it was because it was too early in the morning... But even at the airport, as my mum got her luggage, and just before he drove away. He didn't even say anything... not even a goodbye, not even a hug. Just like that...
I'm really upset by his behaviour... just because my mum told him to move (which is nothing wrong at all!), he just became all distant and trying to act hurt... My mum worked hard to come here and see us, to take a little time out to relax and enjoy a holiday, and he treats her like this! And if I'm upset, imagine what my mum must feel... so utterly disappointed and heartbroken...
I opened my eyes half an hour later, just as the train pulled into my city. Stepping off, I wondered if I should go to work, or just go home and sleep for the rest of the day. As soon as I got home, and realising that my brother's girlfriend was there, I decided to grab my bags and swimming gear leave again. Only to come back just now, a little after midnight. Back to my old lifestyle of avoiding home as often as I can...
So I headed into town, and decided I needed to make myself 'pretty', so got a haircut. I guess that made me feel a little better about myself... Then I met my 'girlfriend' for lunch, and we chatted, trying to catch up things that's been happening in the last month that I've been away (studying and travelling).
She noticed it, but I guess I felt it too... at the canteen where we ate, the cashier guy wasn't just checking out the soup and salad I bought for lunch, but also checking me out! And he did it in such an obvious way... big smile, very friendly and polite, and kept looking at me. Even as we left, he kept looking at me and smiling... I don't get that much, so it must be the new haircut. Flattering... but I need someone who likes more than just looks... I need someone who can understand me, who I can understand and talk to everyday and still feel like it's the first time we met.
I went to work at three in the afternoon for a few hours. It didn't matter, because I'm my own boss now, and today was the first 'official' day of my new position as coordinator of the big competition! I say 'official' day, but I've been involved throughout the summer, so today was just like any other day at work. I wasn't at the office for almost the whole of September, and what do I see as I enter my office? Two of the three computers that are ordinarily there have disappeared! At first, I thought we were robbed, but my colleagues who work in another building told me one day the 'superiors' decided that they needed to cut costs. But for so many years, we've always had three computers, because to organise the competition we need around four students to assist us, and nowadays everything is done through email. How do they expect us to do our work? No consideration at all, and they didn't even ask me before they took the computers away! :( My boss is busy trying to get the computers back, but for the time being, I'm in charge of a big office with empty desks, and just one computer...
After work, I still didn't want to go home, like often, so I went swimming as planned. Went to a swimming pool I used to go as a little boy, but haven't been for over ten years. So many changes! And they've added so many new facilities that it's now bigger and better. The pool was empty, except for some middleaged ladies having aqua-aerobics lessons to terrible techno music. I swam around happily for an hour or so, and then got up. But I didn't go just yet, as this steam chamber caught my eye.
"Eucalyptus oil steam bath. Guaranteed to relieve stress after a hard day"
Hmmm, just what I needed, so I entered the cubicle and for the next ten minutes started to sweat in places I didn't know could sweat...! The eucalyptus oil and fragrance cleared my mind, and when the cold shower suddenly started at the end, I felt so refreshed, and ready to go.
But again, I didn't want to go home... even though it was already nine and the air was misty and damp and cold. I called my friend to just talk, but that quickly turned into a dinner date, because neither of us had eaten. We shopped together, and cooked together a big healthy meal of lots of vegetables and rice, and ate it over hot cups of tea and candlelight. So lovely... sitting there, talking and bonding, sharing our feelings.
When I was about to leave, we hugged each other goodbye, and I kissed her in the neck quite spontaneously. First time I did that, but she seemed to like it. It's not in any erotic way, and we both know it. But we both need it... because we're one another's 'substitute for love'.
Especially needed on nights when it's cold, drizzling, and raining...
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