Night out

Just got home and stripped into a shirt to sleep in. My skin is red and warm from the drinks, from the two bottles of lovely red wine I had sitting next to a warm open fire at a beach cafe.

Dinner was lousy, the food was horrible and expensive, but the drinks afterwards in a warm quiet cafe made the evening just perfect. Just me, and two girlfriends, sitting there, chatting, sharing and bonding. The three of us became close a few months ago because of school work that brought us together. One of us is leaving soon for good, but tonight seemed to prove that we will still be together even though we're apart.

We've been close before, but tonight brought us even closer. I don't like saying directly "I'm gay", partly because I think it perpetuates labels and stereotypes, but there was a perfect occassion to tell my friends that I'm more than the 'average guy'. Wine brings out a lot of character and confidence. They started to share they love affairs and personal things, and I shared mine.

Basically, they have complicated and dramatic relationships... guys that don't seem to be able to show they're true emotions, but at the same time find it hard to let go... guys that are warm one moment, but cold suddenly... guys that are difficult to understand, made worse by this incomprehensible thing called love.

I listened closely, and nodded. I couldn't really share, I said, because I don't have any relationship going on at all! Whatever bits and pieces of my last close relationship was four years ago, I said.

One friend smiled and told me not to worry. One day I'll find a great woman to be with. To that I responded that I don't think I'll ever want to have a woman to be with. They looked at me, smiling and understanding. And realising.

It's funny. I always joke around and openly 'poke fun' at sexuality and sex, but nobody seems to pick up the subtle suggestions. So they were surprised, in a positive way, that I am gay. Both were equally surprised, and never suspected anything. They just see me as "David", someone who's sensitive and so gentle, someone who's unique and so different from other guys, but nothing more than that. Someone who's caring, compassionate, and so soft in his words and actions, and nothing more than that.

I blushed hearing that. And they were right. I'm no different from other people just because I like guys. I knew this already, but the experience was like an affirmation, and a boost of self-confidence as I start to like myself more. Sexuality is just a part of me, like the gentleness, the soft-spokeness and my weird sense of humour all are part of me. And that's what makes people attracted to me... to my smile, to my kindness and to my warmth.

It was emotional hearing them say all that, and felt like I'm really worth something, worth something more than I believe myself to be. So much more than I think I deserve. Because, as they said, I'm just one of a kind, a rare find, and just 'me' as real and true as people come. I deserve the very best, and they were saying that not just because they were my friends, but because it's true.

I blushed somemore and stared into the open fire that jumped and danced in front of us, and felt the warmth circle and embrace us.