It's been a while since I last cooked a proper meal for mum. And out of nowhere, she suddenly said she wanted to eat squid, and said there are some frozen ones in the fridge. I of course was delighted and jumped to the opportunity to cook something, and made some eggs and vegetables to go with boiled rice.
For a while she seemed fine, even though she ate very little. I watched mum eat, and every little bite she took, I prayed and prayed that the food would stay and give her much needed strength and nutrients. I watched her eat, and momentarily was relieved, even elated, to see her eat...
Then, an hour or so later, as she sat there on her comfortable lumbar-support chair, she made that face and horrible gagging noise which by now, after seeing and hearing it everyday almost, I know is a sign she is about to vomit again.
Indeed, one moment she is sitting in her chair, the next second she is gone. I rushed behind her to the washroom again to witness a sight that even after so many times pains my heart and soul so...
Mum crouching next to the toilet bowl, hands leaning on the rim of the bowl, brownish liquid pouring like toxic mud out of her mouth. The stench, the horridness of it all is heart-wrenchingly difficult to bear...
"You can't go on like this! We have to go back to hospital again!" I cried... I know she is reluctant to, for staying there is a torture for her, I know. But how long must she vomit, how much longer can she keep on vomiting? What else is there left of her to vomit if she keeps on ejecting everything out of her body? What will be left of my mother, my dear dear mother...? I am so afraid she will go into shock and dehydrate severely from the daily bouts of vomiting... So afraid I can hardly rest well at night, and have been moving my "bed" closer to her bedroom so I can hear her when she gets up at night.
A heavy week of hospital appointments every single damn day begins tomorrow. I wish the days and minutes would go by quicker... I wish I do not have this constant pain in my heart and do not have to live and sleep always on edge and always ready to jump up and rush to the toilet whenever mum goes in there...
What is wrong with mum? Can anyone, anything tell us what is wrong with her that she cannot eat and cannot sleep properly...?
