Unable to eat

I asked this question before: how long can a person last if she were unable to eat?

Brother said he has been trying to see if the hospital can send someone home to administer iv nutrients, because frankly what mum eats during the day is not enough to sustain her bodily needs.

"She told me again she wants to go to the hospital..." Which is something rare, for she detests hospitals. But perhaps she feels that she cannot go on for long without proper nutrition. "But don't worry, don't rush back here. It's not necessary..."

Moments later, mum came on the phone. She "complained" that calling twice a day is calling too often. I tried to joke that it's just breakfast and dinner. I don't call at lunch, because it's far too late for me given the time difference.

"I have so little 'meat' on my arse it hurts to sit long..." she complained. Those words seemed to slide over me, and I did not have a response. I was not sure what I could say that did not sound fake. And truth be told, I was rushing to catch a flight to go see my ex in a last-minute decision I made just a few hours earlier before I fell asleep.

"Nothin tastes the same anymore... I had some grapes and they tasted spicy," mum said. Spicy, as in the taste of chilly. How can something sweet taste like chilly?

"I did have a cup of fruit juice, which your brother made, and I finished it all. But I felt so bloated after that..."

I did not have a proper response to mum's complaints. What could I say? Really, what could I say? So very very little...

So very thin

At times when I look at mum, I am sadly and so terribly reminded of those horrible images of prisoners at concentration camps. Yes, it is a tasteless comparison to make. Of course, mum's ordeal is not the same, and I am not trying to trivialise the immense pain and suffering of so many throughout history. What haunts me is seeing just how thin she has become. And somehow, when you become so thin and malnourished, your cheek bones become all the more prominent, and the teeth tend to protrude out more.

She's become so very thin now, it is heartbreaking (and I myself am not faring much better nowadays...). I cannot really describe that look, that saddening, sordid look... I see it when mum is walking, or straining to walk. Her mouth is a little open, her teeth are revealed. Her eyes look so tired, and yet are perhaps the brightest sign of life of all her facial features. It is the look of someone in pain... the look of someone who has not properly eaten for a long, long time...

Can a pat on the back, or the gentle stroke of mum's arm erase the memory of that look on mum's face?

Can my arm around mum's thin shoulders, or the way I try to massage her sore, sore arms take away her hunger from not having eaten properly...?