49 days

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Two hours or so after mum passed away, three nuns gathered to chant a prayer for mum. It is a familiar Buddhist prayer from one of the sutras recited in the original Pali language used at the time of the Lord Buddha over two thousand years ago. It is a familiar prayer with a familiar melody, for it is often used at funerals.

Today marks 49 days since mum passed away. 49 days already. Over a month already. A slow, and at times grueling, 49 days. According to local beliefs, today marks yet another important moment after death, for the spirit of the deceased is said to have moved on and possibly reincarnated into another being. Where you become reincarnated and as what depends on your karma and the merit you have made throughout your life.

A few days ago, to celebrate my sister in law's birthday, I treated her and my brother (and little nephew) to a fancy meal at a restaurant that mum and I went to back in October last year. I found pictures of mum and showed it to them, and pointed out where we were sitting back then and what we ordered. It was a wonderful evening, and in a way a commemoration of mum at a place where she once ate at. Tonight, we all went out to a restaurant, and despite the smiles and sharing a tableful of good food, I felt this empty presence... I looked to my side, at the chair and imagined mum sitting there with us, smiling, munching away and chit-chatting with us...


49 days, or seven weeks, since mum's passing, and exactly two weeks till my departure. More and more, a lot of mum's belongings are being put into boxes. More and more, this home is becoming less a home and more a place with brown boxes and heaps of things to be given or thrown away...

Mum, wherever you may be now, know that you are missed and will never be forgotten...
Go, go and be free and be happy...

Linger

A friend send me this, which I thought was a really beautiful song.

It feels so warm when you are near
You are all I want to feel
Tell me now, is this for real?
It's hard to breathe
We're all lost and travelled high, cannot find my peace of mind
When the sun will rise again, we'll fly away

Take the stairs to the stars
Wander long, travel far

Someday

A summer breeze makes all of our winters freeze
Autumn leaves
There's no chance for spring's romance
We linger on but leave the past behind us
Old lovers live it all anew
But chances are so few

Windows open up to life
Put your worries all aside
Sacred silence closes doors for opened eyes

Take the stairs to the stars
Wander long, travel far

Someday
Always

A summer breeze makes all of our winters freeze
Autumn leaves
There's no chance for spring's romance
We linger on but leave the past behind us
Old lovers live it all anew
But chances are so few
And choices are so true...

Says a lot, doesn't it?

Parkpop- Kim Wilde!

It was drizzling, and the sky was drearily gray. I wrapped myself in a warm sweater and jacket, and even wondered whether I should take my scarf with me. It's June.

Was already wet from cycling all the way across town to Zuiderpark, where Parkpop ( supposedly the biggest free pop-music concert in Europe) took place. I could already hear the booming music as I parked my bike, and it got louder as I got closer to the muddy field where it all took place. It had been raining the whole day, and the terrain was almost deserted, it seemed. Just here and there, people sheltering under trees, wearing make-shift garbage bags as rain coats, and wielding all sorts of colourful umbrellas in the air.

The stage was deserted, and I disappointed. I was there, alone, having once again been abandoned by certain people who said they would come... Was it all finished? I kicked the empty plastic cups that lay everywhere in the over-trampled and muddy grass...

And suddenly, the stage lit up, and behind a wall of fake fog came the band and the star I had braved the cold and rain to see. There she was, with her recognisable crazy blonde curls, dressed in black. A slight, half-hearted applause from the sleepy crowd below, as the rain continued to fall.

Kim Wilde had a series of hits in the eighties, and recently, like many artists who seemed to have disappeared, made a come-back. Watching her sing and jump up and down, it's hard to believe she's already 47 years old! Still bursting with energy, her voice moved as well as excited the crowd in no time, as she sang her old hits in between the more recent hits that you still occassionally hear on the radio. The crowd jumped up and down, and at times clapped along. What really attracts me is that many of the songs and music are written by herself, and have lyrics that have meaning-- which is quite rare nowdays.

But in almost no time at all, the field started to fill with people from nowhere, as the night passed with songs like “Kids in America”, “Together we belong”, “Cambodia”, “Perfect girl”, “You keep me hanging on”, “Never trust a stranger”, “View from a bridge”, “You came” (the video clip of which is apparently censored in certain countries because it’s too ‘provocative’...), as well as the remake hit originally by German female popstar Nena “Anyplace, anywhere, anytime”:

Im Sturz durch Raum und Zeit, richtung Unentlichkeit
Fliegen Motten in das Licht, genau wie du und ich'
Wrap your fingers 'round my neck.
You don't speak my dialect,
But our images reflect.
Drawn together by the flame,
We are just the same:
Embrace the wind and fall into another time & space.

Gib mir die Hand - ich bau dir ein Schloss aus Sand
Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann'
If we belong to each other,
We belong anyplace, anywhere, anytime.

Im Sturtz durch Zeit und Raum, er wacht aus einem Traum'
Nur ein kurzer Augenblick, dann kehrt die Nacht zurueck.
Bits and pieces from your storm
Rain upon me as they fall;
Melt into my skin and I feel warm.
Sweep upon me like a wave.
We are young and brave:
Embrace the wind and float into another time & space.

Gib mir die Hand - ich bau dir ein Schloss aus Sand
Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann'
If we belong to each other,
We belong anyplace, anywhere, anytime.

Drawn together by the flame,
We are just the same:
Embrace the wind and fall into another time & space.

If we belong to each other,
We belong anyplace, anywhere, anytime.
I'm going to any world you're coming from.
Anyplace, anywhere, anytime.
Gib mir die Hand - ich bau dir ein Schloss aus Sand
Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann'
I'm going to any world you're coming from.
Anyplace, anywhere, anytime

And she did a great rendition of Depeche Mode’s great classic “Enjoy the silence”:

“Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me
Cant you understand
Oh my little girl

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm

Vows are spoken
To be broken
Feelings are intense
Words are trivial
Pleasures remain
So does the pain
Words are meaningless
And forgettable

All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm”

Beautiful!