It's been a long while

 It's been a long while since I last wrote.
Partly just because I've not kept up with the habit of writing here--or anywhere, for that matter.
Partly, this may be just the fatigue of life. Fatigue in the sense of life having become a routine, a repetitive routine of sleep, work, sleep, work.

Certainly this year has felt like a write-off. 

2020. The year of the pandemic, the year of the coronavirus that began in China (let the record stand that it began in China, despite all attempts by the CCP to whitewash and rewrite history) and spread around the world, and that has to date infected close to 72 million, taken 1.6m lives, and devastated the entire world. Closed businesses, locked down economies and societies, broken and separated families. 2020 will be marked and remembered as the year of cruel separation, social distancing, and the largest peacetime humanitarian tragedy since perhaps the 1918 Spanish Flu. 

Much of the year just flew by. What did this year mean? It was just a routine of work from home (WFH), anxieties going out (or anywhere at all), and keeping a distance from people. Daily reports of case numbers are the norm, masks have become the norm, as have dry hands from the frequent santising and handwashing...

Thankfully, I am alright. Healthy, albeit a bit mentally distraught and frazzled. It's been a long, exhausting year--for everyone-- even though it somehow also has been a frightening quick year that just went by due to "lockdowns" that just dragged on and on. The only place that has escaped this all is Taiwan, which has miraculously withstood all this by proactively taken action and preparing before anyone else. Life there is "normal", unlike the rest of the world, where societies and economies have been broken by the pandemic.

And now, at the end of a long, exhausting year, I feel lost.
At 2.24am  just two weeks before Christmas, I feel lost and thoughts wracking my brain, causing restlessness. In the room next door, my beautiful J.bf sleeping. We have been together now for over a year, and what a year it has been. With him, I have experienced a semblance of normalcy, affection, and care that I have not experienced before...

But that attachment is part of the "problem".
For the past two years, I have been flirting with the idea of quitting my current job in academia and going into the aviation industrym, particularly at a major airline. It would be a major change. It would potentially be life-changing, and a huge leap into the unknown. For the past decade or so, I feel like I have just coasted--and been lucky to have just drifted on top of the wave that has taken me to far away places, allowed me to experience so many opportunities and met great people that I could not have dreamt of.

BUT part of me somehow still felt like "there must be something more...". Out there. Something seems to be missing. 

Of course, people are discontent, constantly. There is no more, no less. But life seems always to be unsatisfactory and there always appears to be something more alluring on the other side. 

Now that feeling is back.
Last May, I went on an excursion to visit the place that may have been a place I could work. I was dragged unexpectedly into an interview, and they seemed very keen. But then for a long time, there was no news at all. When news came, end of 2019, it was also coinciding with another interview I had hoped to get to work in industr (which I did not get. And then the pandemic hit). That opportunity at the airline just fizzled.

Until yesterday. My friend who works at the airline reached out and said they are interested in hiring, and there is an opportunity.

I am excited by the prospect. By the attraction of a new beginning, a new experience, a new era in my life--however long that may turn out to be, should I take that path that seems to be opening up.

But then what am I leaving behind? Who am I leaving behind?
This comfortable, cosy life that I have come to settle into, that, though at times feels tiresome and mundane, has been my life since pretty much the passing of mum in 2012. It is not almost 2021.

What am I going to face? Am I going to exhaust myself?

So many unknowns, so many uncertainties.

And most difficult of all, is the pain of having to tell my bf that I may be leaving.
It could all happen very quickly, very dramatically.

Tonight, while we cuddled and watched a movie , I at moments felt unease.
That may have translated into a bloated stomach and just feeling nauseated.
At moments, I kissed his cheeks, I hugged him, closed my eyes. He didnt know it, but I was silenctly wishing this moment together would last forever. I was feeling anxious and afraid to let this all go, and go blindly in the direction of pursuing something that I dont even know would be worth anything, would actually amount to anything. To be fair, there was in the background of a possibility of going to study in Australia, finally pursuing a Phd. That would have also been a turning point, and also meant I need to let go. And he was fine with that.

He has always been so accepting and encouraing, and said kindly that we will deal with things when we  come to that moment... That is a special someone that is hard, so very hard to let go of.

Back to the opportunity... It's not sure yet whether anything will come of it. But this is the second time that they have come to me and expressed interest. The salary is a bit better, and the greatest benefit would be taking a leap into the airline industry, something that I have longed for some time.
But I am also afraid. Afraid of the cut-throat nature of that corporate world. Afraid of potentially just losing a work-life balance, and just becoming a drone. Afraid of losing my creativity, my individuality. Afraid of the great unknown and what will happen next month, next year, next 5 yrs.

 I'm genuinely afraid and unsure what I must/should do.

Part of me is afraid of the pain of loss, of letting go. Letting go of such a wonderful someone, of letting go of my usual comfort and being in my comfort zone for so long.
But part of me is also excited by the new prospects of a new challenge, of a new life, of a change. I'm almost 37, and this is the time, if there is anytime, the slightly-past-prime period when I can still experiment, experience and explore what it is that drives me.

I simply just don't know...

But such is life.

(Perhaps the movie of tonight is telling. Let them all Talk, it was called. A star cast, about old friends reconnecting and reconcilling after over 3 decades, of lost time, of misunderstandings, of regret.)

An afront to freedom in Hong Kong and Worldwide

 

On 1 July, the Hong Kong Police Force twitted items that now run afoul of the newly enacted Hong Kong National Security Law. Among the items and slogans now prohibited is the word “conscience” (pronounced leong4 zi4 in Cantonese). For over a year, this Confucian notion of the innate awareness of the good has become the symbol of the resilience and resistance of the people of Hong Kong against daily police brutality and government refusal to back down from enacting draconian measures under the guise of stability and national security. 

With no input from the supposedly autonomous government of Hong Kong or the people of the city-state, Beijing enacted a law that was never been read or reviewed by anyone outside the 175-member strong Standing Committee of China’s National People's Congress. With one stroke, flouting condemnation and concerns from worldwide, including G7 members, all semblance of “One Country, Two Systems” and the rule of law have been erased.

The law criminalises the offences of secession, subversion, and the organisation and perpetration of terrorist activities. More relevant to Canadians, or anyone in the world, it criminalises collusion with “external elements to endanger national security”. What these terms mean remains to be seen. Is liking a social media post about Hong Kong demonstrations no longer safe? Is re-tweeting support for the rule of law in Hong Kong, highlighting the plight of millions of incarcerated Uyghurs, and speaking out against the persecution of Christians, democracy activists or coronavirus whistle-blowers now a crime subject to life imprisonment?

Though the provisions of the National Security Law are couched in legal niceties, the final power of interpreting the law lies in the very Standing Committee of China’s rubber-standing parliament that drafted and rushed to adopt the law in the first place. The law has extraterritorial reach, and is applicable to anyone, even if you are not resident in Hong Kong. Already, one person alleged to have run afoul of the newly enacted law was arrested on board a Cathay Pacific flight moments before departure for London. Any aircraft or ship registered in Hong Kong is an extension of the city’s territory, and police have powers to come on board and detain suspects. If deemed necessary, legal proceedings can be done without a jury to protect “State secrets” or the so-called “involvement of foreign factors”.

Further, the law establishes a so-called Committee for Safeguarding National Security, which enjoys sweeping powers to safeguard national security. The Committee’s work and powers are not subject to judicial scrutiny or to disclosure. In other words, a gestapo has been legalised and instituted.

The website hkleaks.pk (in Chinese) now lists the names, personal details (some including telephone numbers, and emails) and alleged crimes of over 1600 “thugs”. Listed are journalists, teachers and even businesses that have shown sympathy to pro-democracy protests. Newly added is the name, picture and names of the parents of a 16-year-old minor who is alleged to have tried to subvert Hong Kong by “wandering the streets” and failing to produce an ID when the police demanded it.

To add salt to injury, former HK Chief Executive Chun-ying Leung even advocated a handsome bounty to anyone able to provide clues leading to the arrest of “national security law offenders” or information on “anyone who has fled the city”. Such release of personal information to instigate mob-like social justice, and instil terror in the lives of ordinary citizens is a reminder of the excesses of the Cultural Revolution. But this is in “Asia’s world city” Hong Kong, in the year 2020.

Canada has just heightened its travel advisory, and rightly suspended its extradition treaty with Hong Kong. Given China’s history of kidnapping foreigners and keeping them hostage for political bargaining, Hong Kong, and anyone who advocates justice and fundamental freedoms, is no longer safe.

Governments and peoples of the world must make a stand against tyranny and authoritarianism, and stand up for the basic rights and civil liberties in Hong Kong. And we must do so with a conscience.

Zooming in on our privacy and freedom of expression

 

Back in April, the University of Toronto’s Citizen Lab revealed that a Zoom meeting between users located in Canada and the United States was routed through China. The communications platform, which during the pandemic has become the go-to medium to connect with family, friends, and colleagues, admitted the diversion of data thousands of miles away was “mistakenly” done. The company quickly moved to assure users there are no implications for the privacy of communications, and that the company would take measures to rectify the mistake.

Now, Zoom is again in the news. On 4 June, accounts of Hong Kong- and US-based pro-democracy activists who used Zoom to hold an event commemorating the 31st anniversary of the Tiananmen Square Massacre were shuttered. Zoom justified that as a company, its operations are subject to local laws. Even though the hosts of the meeting was outside of China, Zoom argued it simply complied with demands by the Chinese government the virtual meetings and accounts be terminated. After much (social) media backlash, some accounts were later reinstated. 

Curiously, just one day earlier, Zoom’s own security consultant declared “Zoom does not proactively monitor content in meetings and will not in the future. Zoom doesn't record meetings silently. Neither of these will change”.

Yet, how does Zoom know about the vigils held to remember the crackdown on democracy, and the users who were attending these online vigils? And whatever happened to those users in China and whose accounts have not been reinstated?

The latest news is evidence that the company is actively monitoring and censoring communications of its users inside and outside of China. These concerns have already been raised about the NASDAQ-listed company, and the likes of SpaceX and NASA, as well as governments around the world, including Germany, Australia, and Taiwan, have banned or restricted the use of Zoom for these very reasons. In highlighting the surge of foreign cyberespionage in COVID-19-related research facilitated through remote working platforms, Canada’s own intelligence agency, the Communications Security Establishment, singled out Zoom and the fact that user communications were routed through servers in China. 

Twitter, Facebook and Google are also in the business of connecting people and facilitating communications. Like Zoom, these corporations operate in the cyber domain that is arguably beyond the jurisdiction of any State. However, the Chinese government has made clear at the United Nations that together Huawei, they wish to “reinvent” the internet to give governments more control over content and user data. The latest debacle surrounding Zoom is a sign of things to come.

Zoom self-proclaims to “fully [support] the open exchange of ideas and conversations”, yet unlike other platforms, it willingly submits itself to demands of an authoritarian government. This is a concern for all Canadians, and we must think carefully before signing in and unwittingly signing away our privacies and freedoms.